I FINALLY Have Time To Read!!

Now that I am on break, I finally have time to read books that I actually want to read! Not that the books we read for school aren't great, but sometimes I just want to read a book and not think of anything academic.

I'm currently reading this:

And so far, I really really like it!

After this, I am going to read all the Harry Potter books...again. They are just so touching I can't even begin to explain it.

Then, I'm going to see what the hype is all about with The Hunger Games.

After that, I'm going to read one of my favorites, My Antonia. It's a classic, and it's wonderful.

If you are looking for something good to read over Christmas, you should check out these:

These are all seriously good books and I hope that you have time to check them out! I cried in during every single one of them! 

Adult Problems

Now that I am one semester away from graduating from college, I feel as though I should constantly be on the lookout for a job for when I graduate.

I also feel as though I need to find a permanent housing solution for myself and move out of my parents house, even though I'm about as far from a moocher as you can get. I pay my dad every week for my bills, but I still feel like a little kid, sleeping in the same room that I have been in since I was 5 in the same house as I've lived in since birth.

I also got a "new" car for myself for graduation that I now have to pay for, so a steady job would come in handy now more than ever.

I call all of these my "adult" problems. Goodbye college, hello real world!

Overdue Post

I have not blogged in sooo long! Let me tell you, I miss it so much. It helps me keep my sanity, but I have been so swamped with projects and papers that I just haven't had two minutes to myself. The next two weeks will be rediculous, but I will not lose hope, because I KNOW I can do this. Then, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I have decided to go to grad school at Tech, so excited!! I will be living here however, which I am even more excited about.

I was catching up on my blog reading tonight, and I came across Kelly's Korner post about being lonely. I can so relate to this lately. All of my friends are either married or soon to be married and I am no where close! I feel like we don't have anything to talk about anymore because they have completely different lives devoid of singleness, college, part time jobs, babysitting, and even my basic interests in books, music, movies, and TV. We used to be peas in a pod, all of us, but now it's like we are all separate, well really just me separate. They hang out and don't invite me because it's a "couples" thing. It shouldn't hurt my feelings, and I don't want them to not be with each other, but it does hurt. It hurts to be alone. It hurts to be different. It hurts to be the outcast. It hurts to be the one that gets texted only because of boredom. It hurts to only be the "best friend" in relationships with guys.

I'm not complaining about my life, because I am so incredibly blessed beyond belief, but sometimes its just lonely.

Project Complete

Yesterday, I turned in my Senior Project. Well, half of it. The most stressful half. I had to make an original 20 minute video over my paper topic. I was difficult, but I finished. Honestly, I wasn't that happy with it, but I showed it anyways. The class was amazed at how good it was. My teacher, being the non complementing male he is, didn't tell me I did a good job, but another student went to his office afterward and he told her I "set the bar very high for the class."

I am happy. 

The stress of this week has made me sick. Literally. I can't breathe, my head hurts, and I'm so tired. 

I decided to treat myself for my last semester in college. Next semester I'm only taking 9 hours and I'm going on a 6 day trip to Boston. I am soooo excited! I've always wanted to go to Boston! 

In other news, Monday is my BIRTHDAY!! I can't wait. I love birthdays so much! I will be 22. It's hard to believe another year has come and gone. So much has happened, but I'll save the remeniscing for my next post. Now, its off to bed with my meds and my remote. Goodnight :) 

New Room Post!

Ladies and Gents, it's finally here. The post I've been talking so much about. Pictures of my new room! Let me know what you think or if you have any suggestions as to what it needs!

Media Corner with my abysmal DVD collection. Oh, and more books :) 

My very own reading nook!!! 

I love everything about this table. 

Study Area. With more books :) 

The most important part of every bedroom, the bed! 

I feel like I have an "adult" room now! Seriously, I love spending time in here. Although, I do with I would have had enough room for all my books, but I love that I was able to put a ton of stuff on the wall! Hope you like it :) 

Most Annoying Thing About College?

Always. Being. Broke.

Mixed Emotions

As if I needed more stress in my life, Cameron is still texting me.

It's trivial really, but I'm just not sure how I feel about texting me about even the most mundane things.

I know I need to figure that out, but I just have such a hard time being mean to people.

I lived without him all summer, but to be honest, I did miss him. Not that Cameron, but the old Cameron. The one I keep catching glimpses of lately.

I know that's dangerous thinking and that's what got me in trouble in the first place. But at the first hint of me having feelings, I'm out.

Weekend in Review

Friday night I got a text from Cameron. He wanted to go out and eat and just talk. I feel like that is still touchy territory, so I said not that night, I was busy. Which wasn't a lie. I told him one day we could. I know that he's hurting from the breakup and he told me he messed up by pushing all of his friends away and that he was lonely. I feel bad for him, but at the same time, it was kinda his fault. Still, being the person I am, I feel like I should be there for him. Not in a best friend sort of way, but a "I'm nice so I'll help you out" kind of way.

Saturday I continued to decorate my room, I promise I will have pictures soon! I then went to eat dinner with my dad and then my mom joined us for dessert. I went to Kirklands, which I had a gift card for, and got this awesome vase with lights in it! I love it so much and it matches great in my new room.

OH! The most important part of Saturday? I. Found. My. Dream. House. Seriously, I am going to start saving now. Here it is, and it is just perfect for me!

I'm in love.

Happenings

I've been so busy lately! So busy that I've ended up sick, along with half of the people I hang out with at school. The "Holt Hallway Girls" are mostly under the weather.

In other news, I am the new secretary for Phi Alpha Theta! That is our History Honors society, and I'm so excited to be apart of starting this group on campus! Plus there are some super cute nerdy history majors in the group! :)

I also have developed an obsession for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It is such a good show.

Well, I'm not feeling well, so I'm going to curl up in my bed, turn on the TV and tune out the world with my cup of steaming Earl Grey. Talk soon.

Birthday Wishes

My Birthday is officially less than a month away!!!

I don't know if you know this, but I LOVE Birthdays!!!!!

So, Bryan Adams just happens to be giving a concert in Fort Smith on October 10th, which is my special day.

I want to go so bad!

Maybe I'll get to, maybe I won't. tickets are a bit pricey and I just had to buy a new computer because mine bit the dust finally.

What would a Birthday be without wishes?

Always Do What is Right

Never let anyone make you feel guilty for doing what is right.

Yesterday, I had to come to this realization. I felt like I was being attacked unfairly for a decision I made that I know is in my best interest.

Cameron and his girlfriend aren't together anymore, so inevitably I got a text from him the next day. We talked a little, nothing personal, nothing too much. Fine by me.

Then, I asked his friend if they were sure he knew that a breakup on his part didn't constitute a rekindling of friendship on my part. They totally jumped my case.

I was told that he had done nothing wrong, made to feel selfish and unimportant because I couldn't be his friend anymore.

I was belittled, like my feelings or emotions didn't matter, only his. And worst of all, that I should remain friends with him because he didn't deserve that and he tried to make it work with us.

What about what I deserve? Do I not deserve to be happy and healthy and have no fear of rejection or being cast to the wayside when the next girl comes along? Do I not deserve to be respected and be important and my decisions accepted, just like his were?

Yes. I do. And I'm not buying any more of this "you are selfish" bit. Yeah, I felt like a horrible person yesterday, but for once, I'm making a decision for me. Not my "friends," not Cameron, not anyone else, but for me. The one time I refuse to be a people pleaser is the one time I get attacked unfairly. So, enough. I'm done. I don't need people in my life that treat me like that. I'm worth so much more.

Busy Bee

School. 

Babysitting. 

Room redo.

Homework.

I'm so busy! I am actually really glad I'm graduating this year, because I am ready for a normal life, with a job and a schedule. 

I barely have a spare minute for myself. 

When I have time, we will talk more. 

Much love! 

Being an Adult Means You Have to Pay for Dental Work? Who Knew!

So, since Saturday, I've had this awful dull, throbbing pain one of my teeth. 

At first, I thought maybe I had slept weird and clenched my jaw, because sometimes I do that. 

But, it hasn't gone away. 

So I did the standard Google search and came up with the most likely of options that I really hope isn't the case. 

An abscess.

Now, I am in no way trying to self diagnose, because I am not a doctor, nor do I claim to know much about teeth, because I don't. But the symptoms are there. 

That would of course mean some serious dental work. Only problem is, since Mom got a new job, our insurance doesn't kick in until October 27. That is such a long time!!!!

Being a college student and always being broke really really sucks. 

Gone are the days when mommy and daddy paid for dental work and doctor's visits. 

Being an adult really stinks sometimes. 

I'm going to keep popping Tylenol until October and in the mean time pray that this thing doesn't get any worse. 

Already Tired

School is wearing me out.

Gone are the days I could sleep till noon.

Instead, I get to read 40 chapters of Mark Twain in a weekend.

I have papers to write, books to read, and lots of work to do.

How many days until Christmas Break?

1st Semester of Senior Year

Ok, let me just say that I was an idiot for taking 18 hours this semester.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about classes.

I'm taking Gender Studies, 20th Century American Lit with a focus on southern literature, History of Women in America, German III, Senior Seminar, and History of Arkansas. Whew! That's a lot.

I have to write a grand total of 4 full length research papers, not including presentation in every class and a paper completely in German by the end of the semester. Oh, and did I mention that I will be applying for Graduate school in the midst of all of this?

Good thing I already know what my tentative paper topics are.

For Gender: The role of gender in Harry Potter
For Ark. history: something to do with Fort Smith, hopefully about the Claytons or something similar. This is with the goal of publishing it in the Fort Smith historical society journal or the Arkansas Quarterly.
For Am. Lit: Something about the influence of the Civil War in modern society. How the South was never the same and how it influenced Southern Literature as a whole.
For Seminar: The Conservative Revolution, from Goldwater to Reagan, 1960-1980.

I am going to be one busy girl.

So Much Stuff!

I'm cleaning out my room so I can paint and redecorate, and I'm wondering, where did all this stuff come from????? 

I will admit, am a bit of a pack rat when it comes to sentimental things such as cards, letters, newspaper clippings, etc. But I still have WAY too much stuff. 

It's only day one, and I have a whole trash bag of clothes that are in perfect condition that I never wear to give away, and I haven't even gone through my dresser or finished the laundry. 

I am major purging things that used to mean something but don't anymore. 

New goal for new room: Don't hang on to stuff I don't need, and don't buy clothes that I don't need. 

I did get a beautiful new quilt for my room. Here is my inspiration: New Bed Spread and Pillows

Let me know what you think. 

Need vs. Want - Life Choices

So, I know I have been talking about my new house FOREVER. That would be because we have been working on it FOREVER. But. Today, I had a bit of an epiphany.

This economy has been really tough on my parent's business, so tough, that my mom had to get a different job and leave dad to it. Problem is, my parents have always shared a vehicle since they worked together. Now my mom is stuck driving the "blind van" so dad can drive his truck and work. They heard about a seriously fantastic deal on a car that would be perfect for my mom, but they had no idea how they were going to pay for it.

Insert epiphany.

I decided to completely redo my current room in my parent's house. Save loads of money. And in turn, give my school refund check to my parents so they can buy the car.

It was a bit of a tough decision, but my mom needs a car, my sister is getting married next summer so there's a wedding to pay for, and honestly that didn't leave any time or money to devote to my house that I've been working on for 3 years. I am sad about it, but I think its the right thing.

I will eventually move in, but not until after the car and wedding are paid for. By then, I'll be walking into the world with a degree in my hand and hopefully a good job to go with it.

Speaking of jobs, if you hear of anything that an almost college grad with a history and english concentration would be perfect for, let me know. I'm already on the lookout.

Izzy

Izzy is the love of my life.

She is a 9lb Miniature Dachshund.

She is the cutest little dog a girl could ask for!

She's still a puppy, so she LOVES to play, but her favorite thing to do is just sit in your lap and be close to you.

She is so excited when I come home every day.

My poor baby got attacked last Tuesday by a dog ten times her size.

After $200 in Vet bills and 3 trips later, she is finally feeling a little bit like herself. She had to get stitches and be put on antibiotics. Then she started swelling. Doctor said it was nothing to worry about, but by this morning, she was swollen so bad that her stitches came open. They did some surgery and put in a drainage tube and she is barking and wagging her sweet little tail again!

Thank goodness for my wonderful Vet. I have no idea what I would have done without my sweet baby!

My Friends Are Coming Home!

Today was the last day of camp for them, and while I know they are so so sad, I am very very happy. I've missed them!

I do think that things will be different, since they have spent the last 3 months together without me, so the new dynamics will probably take a lot of getting used to.

Also, I think my best friend will be moving away soon. To where, no one knows for sure, but I feel that it is coming. I'm happy for her, because I know that her and her husband are doing what they feel led to do, but at the same time, I feel kinda alone.

Coming toward the end of my college career, it is getting harder and harder to find people to hang out with that have the same beliefs and values as I do that are single. It's so weird to think that just 3 years ago, all of us were alike, but now in such a short time, most of my friends are married or having children or moving away.

Maybe this year will be the year I get a date and I won't have to deal with being a single woman in a church and community focused on marriage and children.

My Sister is What???

My little sister got engaged this morning. Engaged. As in she has a ring.

I have a few problems with this, but I'm trying to be happy for her.

Problem 1: I can't stand the guy. I literally can't have a conversation with him or be in the same room with him without EXTREME effort.

Problem 2: It's her first serious boyfriend. I don't want her to make a mistake.

Problem 3: She's 18. And she's my younger sister.

People of the world, stop getting engaged, getting married, and having babies. That's really all I ask.

Reasons to Love Harry Potter

I will admit it, I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan. Seriously. Since I was like 11.  I know a lot of Christians would say that this is a majorly terrible thing, but here's the deal. They've never even read it.

If you have read it, you would know what an amazing story it is. I just finished re-reading all the books for probably the millionth time, and I cried through the entire series. This was the first time that has ever happened, and I think that the older I get, the more I understand about the story and the more it hits home.

Its a story of courage, bravery, friendship, perseverance, over coming your past and accepting your future, treating others that are different from you with respect, sacrifice of the greatest kind, forgiveness, and the fight of good against evil, but most of all, its a story about love. Pure love that can change the world.

If anyone can tell me something wrong with anything listed above, please do. Before you ban yourself or your kids from reading this series, take another look. Look beyond the "magic" and see the true meaning. You might just become a better person or change your outlook on life once you've finished reading them.

Just Checking In

I"m still here.

My reading hiatus is over.

I'm helping out with VBS this week at church.

I'm super excited to see Harry Potter this week ( yes I'm going to the midnight release)

I started working out, and I can barely move.

More to come on all of those subjects later.

Figuring out Pieces of the Plan

You know that moment when you just have an epiphany of what part of your purpose in life is supposed to be? 

It's one of my favorite feelings in the world, and last night, I had an epiphany moment. 

As I mentioned in last nights post, I have fallen in love with this house all over again. 

Yeah, she's beat up. And coming in at over 4,300 square feet, she's MASSIVE. But, she's cheap. And she needs some love. And I think I'm just the person to give that to her. My mom asked me if I would actually live  alone in a house that big. And that got me thinking. Would I? The answer is absolutely not. Insert epiphany. 

How many girls out there in college or just starting out in life are just like me? Their friends are married. They want to be on their own, but can't afford it and go to school at the same time. They want a safe a beautiful place to live with people that care about them. Here is my idea: 

1. Buy this old place and fix her up. 

2. Find young single ladies that need a place to stay and go to school or get on their feet just after college. 

3. Turn the attic and 4 remaining bedrooms into fully furnished and rent-able rooms for these ladies. 

4. Finish the basement out and turn it into a place that they can hang out with their friends. 

5. Be a mentor to these girls. 

Did I mention that there are 2 living rooms in this place? Oh, and there is a two bedroom rent house in the backyard that two more young ladies, or young men could stay in. And that house is included in the asking price. 

I'm picturing family style meals, camaraderie, and a whole lot of fun. Plus, the best part is, if I do get married and have children, then I have a huge, fully remodeled house to start my family in. I'm investing for my future. 

I've never wanted to do anything in my life more than buy this house. I really can't explain it. The only problem is, I don't have a full time job ergo, no loan approval, so, hopefully the house stays on the market for another year, or, I can work out a deal with the owners to finance it themselves for a year until I can get approved for a loan. I'm hoping after 2 years of being on the market that they will be willing to do anything to get rid of this house and let me work my magic.

Week In Review

Alas, I am blogging again!

I was house sitting and I had no access to internet. Boy, it is good to be back!

I had a great week swimming and relaxing with my sweet friends!

I got the strangest sunburn of my life, and I'm peeling like crazy.

I got "stood up" on a "date."

I snagged some awesome threads for super cheap.

I fell in love all over again with the old, dilapidated house right in the middle of an iffy neighborhood in Fort Smith. It's been on the market for 2 years, and if it's still for sale this time next year, you better believe I'm snatching it up! I could get it for a steal! Oh, the possibilities!

I've been thinking about "growing up" a lot lately. I have exactly, 10 months to decide what I'm going to do after graduation. Like get a "real" job. I knew this day was rapidly approaching for the last 8 years, but I'm really starting to freak out. We'll talk more later about my career aspirations.

Love much, talk later.

MIA

I don't even remember the last time I turned on my computer.

I've actually been blogging, what little I have done, from the family computer.

I'm sorta taking a break from life I think. I'm ok with that.

I've had little stress.

A break from tons of technology.

And I've actually taken a break from reading also.

For the first time in my life, I don't feel the need to be learning something all the time, or being attached to my computer.

Instead, I've been catching up on my TV watching that I don't get to do when school is in session. I know TV isn't the best use of my time, but I really do enjoy it, and sometimes I do my best thinking after I watch a particularly interesting show; I don't do mindless entertainment.

Starting tomorrow, I will be house sitting for a week. Drop in, stop by for a swim, come enjoy summer with me.

Road Trip :)

As you may know, most of my friends are in Siloam for the summer working at camp. I miss them terribly.

Yesterday was Kyle's birthday, so I thought I would be a super nice friend and make him an awesome guitar birthday cake and drive up and surprise him.

Things did not turn out as planned. The cake was a total disaster. I made a guitar out of chocolate for the top, and it broke in half before I got there. I put the cake in a box in hopes that it would survive the hour and a half drive. The cake smashed into the side of the box and eventually broke the box and had a huge gash in it. Needless to say, the cake was ugly. Thankfully, I had a picture of the before so that my culinary abilities remained in good standing with everyone.

I miss Kyle so much, in the last year we haven't got to see much of each other. Between work, school, and a bit of a controlling relationship on his end, there just wasn't a lot of time. Last night he told me that was all going to change this year, and I really hope he's right. It's nice having a stand in big brother around since mine moved away.

I also have missed Devin and Chelsea so much in the last few weeks. Home just isn't the same without them. Plus with everyone being gone, I spend a lot of time at home. Normally, that isn't a big deal because I am SUCH a homebody, but lately it's really gotten ridiculous.

One last thought for the day, last night when I was driving home, I decided, stupidly, to come home the back way from Siloam. That included an hour of driving with no cell phone service, alone, pitch dark, though the woods. I. Was. TERRIFIED. Seriously, I'm almost positive that I've never been that scared in my life. I'm starting to think that I watch way too many shows about criminals, but I find it all so fascinating.

Oh, and I've recently discovered that there is nothing more attractive that a guy wearing a shirt an tie with a bulletproof vest. Seriously, I watch too much Criminal minds.

Hairspray!

I went to go see Hairspray for the first time at the Alma PAC tonight, and it was amazing! The cast was perfect, the lights and the music and costumes were great, so if you get a chance to go see it, do it! They are playing two shows tomorrow and one on Sunday.

Kyle Boggs, my sister's best friend is in it and he was adorable. I'm not so secretly hoping that they get married. Just sayin'.

On another note, I'm falling in love with the sounds of Ben Rector all over again. Seriously check. Him. Out. You will be asking yourself why this guy isn't on the radio.

"Your Life Sounds Like A Movie"

That is what Mr. Draper said on Sunday morning. I'm glad I got to work with the Drapers in the nursery this weekend, they are so nice, and their kids are precious. I never know why people walk in and out of my life, but I find the whole process fascinating. 

And I think he's right. Maybe I'll write a book and make lots of money one day. Or maybe I won't make any money but I'll write it anyways. 

In other news, this is what my life has looked like lately. A gazillion episodes of Numb3rs ( one of the best shows ever, and the entire 6 seasons streams right on my TV through Netflix), a dinner date with my two favorite middle aged women whom also happen to be my classmates, random conversations with people at Walmart, taking a break from reading and brushing up on Guitar Hero ( I have a date to play with an adorable 10 year old this week), and movie nights. 

Yesterday at dinner I also began thinking about something that has always fascinated me. The need for people to place other people into relationships. The two women I had dinner with, Jennifer and Sherrie, spent much of the time talking to me about my "love" life or lack thereof. They flirted with our waiter for me, and by the end of the night were suggesting that I go on a date with a 38 year old man. Now I know that I'm an old soul, but really? I know they have the best of intentions, really, as does the rest of the population, but I think every girl wants to be "that girl" once in her life. 

You know, the girl that a guy finds interesting enough to ask out without prodding from someone else (ie a blind date). That girl that a guy stumbles over himself when he talks to her or ditches his friends to spend more time with her. 

Maybe I watched too many Disney movies as a kid or read books about too many beautiful heroine who were  courted by young handsome men, but I'm a romantic, and I can't help it. 

In the words of James Oaks, "This is the year" again. 

It's Times Like These...

That I wish I had someone to hang out with on Friday night.

I want my best friend to be here instead of gone for the summer.

I wish Brittainy still lived 5 minutes away.

I wish things hadn't fallen apart with Cameron and I.

I wish I was married so I wouldn't have to eat meals alone or scramble to try and find someone to go do something with me tonight that I promised I would be at, but now I might chicken out because I can't stand  the fact that I might run into Cameron with his girlfriend, especially since I've already seen him today once.

I wish my grandpa was still here.

That life was simple instead of complicated.

~My Favorite Southern Things~

I'm not really sure why I was thinking about this today, maybe because of a conversation the other day with TH, but there are so many things I love about living in the South, and I'd like to elaborate.

1. Hospitality - There really isn't anything in the world like Southern hospitality. I love that I can be invited into people's homes and feel a part of the family. I love how kind people are to each other. I love that I can wave at my neighbor even if I haven't spoken to them in months. I love that people who you barely know or just met are willing to help you out if you need it.

2. History - The South has such a rich history of wealth, poverty, struggle, and triumph. There is something so unique about the identity of the South that is so captivating. So captivating, I'm thinking about getting my PhD in Southern Studies.

3. Music - I love everything about Southern Rock and Country music.

4. Accents - There is nothing quite like a Southern boy drawl. Not the redneck, I sound like an idiot accent, but the yes ma'am smooth talking, shy southern boy.

5. Literature - This one is the most fun I think. I love Southern Literature, basically because it's the history of the South in a million different stories about a million little towns. I just finished A Painted House by John Grisham, perfect example.

Basically, what I'm saying is, I could never imagine leaving the South, it's home and I love it. It's beautiful. It's unique. It's home.

~Just Let Me Go~

Just when I think Cameron has got it that I don't want to talk to him or see him or have him in my life anymore, he texts me just to chat.

Every time I'm working on forgetting him, he pulls that.

Why can't he just let me be?

Does he not know what emotions he tugs at ever single time he looks at me or calls me or texts me?

As if it wasn't hard enough trying to forget him when my entire iTunes library, church, and every thing in my daily routine reminds me of him.

I just want him to leave me alone.

~A Gentleman~

Webster's dictionary defines a gentleman as : "a man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior."


Tonight I went to FOCUS Church at Second Street Live, and I saw a man, yes, a man, not a boy, that I've been friends with for a few years now, but we had kinda lost touch over the last few months. He walked in during worship and sat down right beside me, but it took me a few minutes to realize who it was. 


When I saw him, I was ecstatic. I may or may not have given him a really big hug, several times throughout the night. I realized just how much I had missed him over the last few months. He is a gentleman in the truest sense of the word. He's old-fashioned. He wears bow ties, but he also works on his '65 Mustang and loves being outdoors hiking. He loves Sinatra and The Beatles. He has the purest intentions when it comes to women. He treats a woman like a lady. He loves his mom and sister more than anything. He's respectful. He planned my surprise party and it was perfect. 


We talked for a long time after service, and caught up. Turns out he missed me too. After I got home, I started thinking about Andy Stanley's messages that I've been listening to on Love, Sex, and Dating. His main thing that's been sticking with me is becoming the person that the person you are looking for is looking for. Therefore, if I'm looking for a gentleman, then I need to be a lady in every sense of the word. One day I can have a man like Will, because men like that want ladies. 


More on Will later. 


P.S. We are having lunch very soon. His treat.

Good Stuff

‎"Giving up something now for something better later isn't a sacrifice, it's an investment" - Andy Stanley


This morning, after encouragement from Tonia to finally listen to something that I had been reading tweets on for 3 weeks now, I finally tuned in. 


Andy Stanley is my all time favorite pastor. Every time he speaks I just get it and he is so humble and in tune with what God wants for my generation. So I've been reading about this series about Love, Sex, and Dating that he's been doing for a month now and after Tonia blogged about it, I figured it was time to give it a listen. 


Finally a pastor directed a series to singles. I feel like singles are the most over looked group in our churches today, and therefore marriages are in shambles all across the country. Finally, someone stood up for morals and dating in a biblical way, instead of just for fun. 


I sat mesmerized for 3 hours straight listening to what he had to say. I could sit here and tell you all about it, or you could just give it a listen, which would be way better. Pass it on to you single friends, especially guys. 


It gave me encouragement that there are guys out there who are becoming men of God who want women of God instead of just a weekend fling. There are men out there who don't date girls who they know they would never marry. 


Be the person you want the person you are looking for to be instead of spending time waiting for Mr. Right. 


Me giving up someone/something that I've thought was so great in the past isn't a sacrifice at all, it's an investment for my future husband. I love him enough already to do that. 


Seriously, check it out. 


Go Here.

All Out of Titles

I don't even know what to call this post. Closure? Heartache? Anger? Disappointment? The list could really go on and on.

I got the dreaded "I care about you so much and I respect you enough to call and tell you that I'm with this girl now, and I wanted you to hear it from me" call today. I honestly knew it was coming. I want him to be happy, really I promise I do. He said he still wanted to go to movie night and baseball games with me and I finally put my foot down and said no. I refuse to be a bone of contention between them. He said he would talk to her about me and I said absolutely not. He said he would die if I wasn't his friend anymore. He should have thought of that before he started making bad choices.

After we had our "chat" he started talking about his life and all of these "goals" he had. And honestly I didn't even know who that person was. He has changed so much, and now I think it will be easier. I still care about him, but I don't want to be miserable anymore. I want him to live his life and allow me to live mine. He told me he wanted me to be happy and right now I think that involves him being out of my life. He told me to call whenever I wanted to see him. That's one phone call I won't be making.

I feel like a terrible person for saying that, but he will forget about me eventually. I'll learn to live without him, and we will both be better people for it.

Betsy Got New Shoes!

And by Betsy, I mean my car! I finally broke down and shelled out the money to get new tires. I honestly hate spending money on my car, but it has to happen, and I am so thankful that I have a tiny car that doesn't cost me nearly as much in upkeep as a lot of people.

On another note, I got to hang out with my dear friend Austin tonight! He is always so honest with me and we our relationship is super stress free. It was great to spend a night with a friend not worrying if I sounded stupid or if my hair was ok, or worry about anything. We had Subway and went grocery shopping and just chilled at his apartment. It was so nice. And the best thing about our relationship is that we have very well established boundaries, so there is no mistaking intentions on either of our parts. He's been so supportive the last few weeks and I am so thankful for him.

Another good thing about Austin is that he admits when he has faults and he says thank you. Like tonight he told me that he was so grateful that I was in his life at the right time last year to teach him compassion and how to really listen to people and remember what they say to stay in tune with their needs. That meant so much to me, because I didn't think that my message had gotten through his thick head (he agrees that it is thick :) ) I'm thankful that my words matter and that God allowed me to change someone's heart. It helps me realize that I can make a difference in people's lives, and that's just what I needed.

P.S. I have to add this funny story!
We were in the frozen food isle and this guy walked past and after he was out of sight, Austin and I both looked at each other at the same time and said together "That guy just totally checked you out!" I thought he was gay, but Austin stuck to his guns! haha! We laughed forever and made a whole lot of people stare at us in Walmart.

What I Deserve

I hate being lied to. I hate any hint of deception. I am a strong person that can handle the truth, no matter what it may be, especially if the damage is already done. I know that I keep rehashing all of this Cameron stuff, but honestly, it is a lot to work through. A lot more than I ever anticipated. I've known him long enough to know when he isn't being honest with me, and he he flat out tried to hide things from me this morning.

I had some "tough" love from Tonia today. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without her. She always talks me through everything and helps me make connections mentally and emotionally. I realized how much I'm being used. I'm just someone who is labeled "best friend" but really I'm there in case he gets bored. It is ok with him if our relationship never changes, because in his mind I'll always be there, no matter what. It isn't fair to me anymore, and I have to respect myself enough to stop it now.

The other night when I left his house, I just felt so empty. Emotionally drained. He showed me the farm and told me he wanted me to come over during the day and hang out and see everything, but I'm tired of empty promises. I'm tired of hearing what sounds good instead of what he's really feeling. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of wasting my time, because that is exactly what I'm doing. I hate wasting time. I don't need another best friend.

I deserve someone who respects me enough to be honest with me. I deserve someone who wants to hang out with me because they like me instead of because they are bored. I deserve to be treated like a lady instead of like one of the guys. I deserve to be taken out on dates and be picked up. I deserve to be good enough, instead of feeling inadequate all the time. I deserve to never have to question where I stand in a relationship. I deserve to be looked upon as more than a time filler. I deserve someone who thinks I'm beautiful.

I'm still working on how this all is going to work, but something has to change. I'm not settling for less than I deserve.

Girls Night :)

Tonight I got to go out with Jessica and Chelsea. It was much needed! Good food, funny movie, and Chels and I did some amazing singing on the way home. I've missed hanging out with the girls. I mean don't get me wrong, I love getting to hang out coed, but there is just something about girls night that makes all seem right in the world.

Do It Anyway

This song has been going through my head all day. It is about loving someone even if they choose not to love you back, chasing your dreams even though they seem impossible, making a difference in someone's life, going through life even when it is hard, doing your best, impacting your world.

I love this song. It is about so many things that are important to me. Love recklessly, dream with abandon, be somebody's everything, change the world.

Grades...

Grades came out today. Ugh. I'm so disappointed in myself. I got 2 B's and 4 A's. I know that is still really good, but I was really hoping to boost my GPA this semester, not lower it. I'm being a big baby, but I really wanted to graduate Suma Cum Laude, which requires that I have a 3.9. Right now I have a 3.82, without this semester's grades added. I'm not sure next semester even with perfect grades that it will work out. But I just need to be happy with that. I did the best I could without totally throwing my life into school. Although the B in my Jane Austen class really bothers me. I worked so hard. I spent so much time with that class. And it still wasn't good enough. Ugh. Not a happy day.

"Bu-ut Oh, Those Su-ummer Nights"

My summer nights have officially began! I cannot even tell you how excited I am about that. I love summer nights. The cool breeze after a hot day, the smell of honeysuckle in the air, driving with the windows down and the radio blasting, all these things make my heart happy.

I kicked off my summer nights hanging out at the ball fields watching the Hobbs boys play baseball. I must say, I'm actually starting to like baseball a lot more!

Since things are back to normal with Cameron and I, whatever "normal" is, he came with me tonight. I picked him up at his house, and that was the first time I'd ever seen it. It. Was. Spectacular. So beautiful, but in a surprisingly understated way. We went to the game and then went to movie night at our friend's house. We are all about movie night, and tonight we watched The Last Three Days. It was really good, plus it had Russell Crowe in it, and I'm all about that. He wants to hang out again soon. I swear he's going to kill me, but we are friends, so I guess I'll get used to it.

I can't wait to see what else the summer holds. Especially since I found out this week that my dear friend Brittainy is coming home for FIVE WEEKS!!!! I'm so excited :)

-The Help-

I kicked my summer reading off with The Help by Katherine Stockett. I must say, it was amazing! Basically, it is about black maids in Jackson, Mississippi, during the 1960s, who tell their stories to a white society lady. Ok, that's a horrible description, but I don't want to give too much away!

It really is a great book that makes you think about the way you treat people and how you think of yourself.
The movie is coming out this summer, so I will include the trailer so that it might spark your interest!

Somebody's Favorite

Before I really start this post, I just want to say that I don't hate my life, I know that God loves me, I know I have amazing friends, and I'm not depressed or anything. I like to use my blog as a "vent" space, because it really helps for me to write things out instead of just talking about them. So here goes.

I am a middle child. I am not athletic, outgoing, bubbly, pleasing, or anything else that most parents dream of in a child. I am the black sheep of my family. I like books and music and alone time. I am traditional to the core, but our family traditions change yearly.

This afternoon, I got into yet another argument with my parents, and I realized some things about myself. I miss being someone's favorite. My Pappy and I were best friends. I was his favorite grandchild, and I excelled at that. He always told me how beautiful I was, how smart I was, how much he loved me. He called every day and asked how school went and if he needed to chase any boys off of me (which he never had the occasion to do). He showered me with praise every time he saw me. I loved him so much and he loved me. We were companions. He was an oddball and so was I. He was all I ever needed. He was my father figure, my role model, my best friend, and the only person in my family that I could be completely honest with free from fear.

My parents on the other hand have never made me feel like I was good enough ( I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, really). They worked all the time when I was younger, left me to do chores constantly, and never understood me. It was like they were always trying to figure out how to "handle" me. My sister and my brother were always above me. They still are. My parents were going to drive all the way to Tulsa this weekend to fix my brother's truck and mine has needed worked on for months and its sitting in the driveway. I made a "B" on a paper, first one all semester, and my mom was like well what happened? They borrowed money from me my first year of college so my sister could play traveling volleyball while I was stuck in a school I hated with no money. When I told them I was moving back home, they told me I was making the biggest mistake of my life.

When my Pappy died, they told me I was acting foolish because I was grieving so much. They didn't understand how much he meant to me. How much I got from him that they never gave me. I was perfect a being a grand daughter, but horrible at being a child.

I've never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, and my parents remind me of that. They always ask when I'm going to get married and give them grand children. Or point out that my sister is going to have kids before me and tell me how much they adore my nephews. As if never dating doesn't cause enough self esteem issues as it is, they think it's ok to point out those things to me and to other people.

I can't even remember how many times I've overheard them talking about my "bad attitude" or my other "failures" in life. But mom always brags about how amazing Kayla is every chance she gets. I'm so tired of it. I thought we had grown out of all of this, but it keeps resurfacing. It's ridiculous really. I'm ready to be someone's favorite again. I want a husband who loves me. Kids who adore me. Someone who I love unconditionally and receive the same in return. I miss my grandpa. I want my parents and my sister to get it. I'm ready for my own life without being under constant scrutiny from my family.

Healing

Healing is a process, and today, I experienced a part of that process. Cameron and I have been best friends for many years now, we both care deeply for each other, and would never do anything to hurt the other. We've been through death, divorce, awkward teenage years, and almost every other experience you can think of together. We've laughed together and cried together. We've never had a fight. Most importantly, we are there for each other when times are hard.

My goal was to not text or call him for a week after all this mess happened between us, but yesterday, I really felt the need to call him. The call was more for me than it was for him, but it turned out that he really needed me too. I knew he was having a bad day, because one of our friends told me. I felt so convicted that I hadn't called him before now. I know that distance needs to be part of the process, but I also know how horrible he was/is feeling about this whole thing. He can't apologize any more than he already has, and I think he was really trying to give me the distance I so desired. But, when I heard what had happened to him, I had to call and make sure that he was ok.

When I got off the phone with him, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and my heart. No matter what has happened between us, I still love him. Nothing is ever going to change that. I know that someday we will eventually probably go our separate ways, but I don't think God is done with our relationship yet. It's going to be rocky for a while, but I'm willing to stick it out if he is.

I'm feeling a bit nostalgic, so I thought I'd share our history together in photos so you can see just how long we've been friends.

Prom my Senior year

Graduation

Leaving for college

My favorite picture of us

His graduation

I could never throw all of that away for fear that my emotions would push him away. He has stood by my for a long time, and I should have never doubted him. 

Harder Than It Sounds...

You never realize exactly how much you talk to someone until you are determined not to. It's hard not to pick up my phone and text Cam when he would get an inside joke, or ask him a question, etc. But, I really don't think he realizes how much of a part of each other's lives we were (or are?, I'm not sure yet), so he needs to see what this is like for me.

I feel like he doesn't understand anything that's going through my head. I know that he doesn't care that I have (had?) feelings for him, but IT HURTS. And it's going to for a while. I need space and time, neither of which he wants to give me. This morning was the first time ever that we didn't sit beside each other in Lifegroup. He walked me over to the Nursery and then proceeded to ask when movie night was.

He seriously thinks that we can pick up right were we left off and my heart will be intact. It's not fair for anyone involved for me to remain his best friend. However, when someone has been in your life for so long, it's hard to break that routine.

I still can't really see him without wanting to cry. I'm not going to wait around on him. I know that he can't apologize anymore than he already has, but it hasn't made it any better. I know that he really does love me (in a best friend way) and he would have never done anything ever to intentionally hurt me, but I need rebound time.

I know you guys are probably tired of hearing all of this drama, but I just have to get it out, so if it annoys you, you might want to stay away from my blog for a while. This is life, and it's raw, it's rough, it's uncomfortable, it's hard, but I'm going to make it through. I have wonderful mentors who care so much about me that it fills my heart with JOY.

I'm thankful that I can be JOYFUL about some things in life even at a time like this.

Picking Up the Pieces

I've had almost three days to process now. I'm ok. Really.

Tears have been shed, which I think might have helped the most.

I've been pathetic for the last few days. Thank goodness for the Meekers and the Gambles and Tonia for checking on me and making sure I got out of the house.

He called and said he was sorry. That he really didn't know. That he hated that he hurt me. That I shouldn't be embarrassed. And he wanted to remain as close as we were.

I believe him, but I don't know if I can do it anymore.

I'm not going to let him have the best of both worlds anymore.

He doesn't get all of me and still get to live his life without concern for what his actions say.

So, I'm going to take a deep breath. Re-evaluate. Have some me time. Spend time with friends that I have neglected. Not be always available. Go to Graduate School. Move on. Learn about myself again. Fall in love with me again. Get closer to God. Enjoy the summer. And see what life is going to bring me next.

It Has Been A Week, Let Me Tell You

This week has been difficult.

I turned in four papers and had two presentations.

My dear friend is out of the state.

And I feel like my life is just falling apart.

At breakfast Thursday, Cameron told me he went on a date with another girl. A date. I mean I knew that this wouldn't be avoidable forever, but I was hoping I would have a little more time to explain everything to him before it all just came tumbling down. And when I say tumble down, I mean it. Everything crashed. I'm sure he hates me. We haven't spoken in over 24 hours, which is completely unusual for us. I always knew he didn't feel the same way, even after all the dinners, the movies, everything. Which he paid for. If it looks like a date, and goes like a date, it's not. He really was content being my best friend. I'm not sure if I can do that anymore. Especially if he is going to be with this girl a lot. I want him to be happy. I really really do. But I'd rather see him happy from afar.

He claims, to our friend, that he had no clue how I felt. And that he wants to talk to me. But I haven't heard a word from him, and they are hanging out tonight.

I don't know what the next step is going to be, but I might just check out of our relationship for a while. I feel like time is the best answer, and a lot of honesty.

Thank goodness for Shaina having girls night tonight.

And I'm ready for Tonia to be home so all can be right in the world.

Expect the Expected

Always.

Never let anyone sway you when you know in your heart what is true.

Never read into things.

Always be prepared to hear what you don't want to hear, but you know one day that you will hear it.

Always know that there is something better up ahead.

And this song will be played in my car over and over today.

Classmates

I've realized that most of my classmates are older than I, and therefore like to give me dating advice.

It is lately that I've realized that how different I really am from most people.

Yeah, I'm 21, never been on a date, never been kissed, never held hands, whatever.

I'm glad I'm saving that for my future husband, wherever he may be.

I don't need people telling me to "jump on" anything.

Or to get drunk and "see what happens."

If I have to be the crazy cat lady, but stick to my morals, I'll take it.

Agenda for the Week

1. Miss this wonderful lady.
2. Finish Civil War paper
3. Breakfast with Cameron
4. Lunch with Kimber
5. Two presentations
6. Watch the Royal Wedding
7. BE DONE WITH CLASSES!!!
8. Enjoy life

Seasons in Life

This week, one of my very good friends got engaged. 

Engaged. 

I am really very happy for him. 

But, it is a really odd situation in life to be the only single person within a group of friends. I mean, I'm not even dating anyone, and my friends either married or quickly approaching that stage. Sometimes I feel like an outsider, especially when they think that I don't understand their life. I know that I am still really young, but I am turning 22 this year, and most of my friends really are married or in very serious relationships. I am not complaining, because I know that God has an amazing plan for my life, but I miss my friends, and I want to be able to relate to them again. And I just flat out want to get married. I mean, what girl my age doesn't? 

I'm a Happy Girl :)

I had such a great time tonight! I got to enjoy four of my most favorite things,
1. Steven Special from La Fiesta
2. Madea movie
3. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream
4. Hanging out with Cameron

I'm just going to say that I had an amazing night.

One Paper Down

3 more to go.

It's Pretty Bad...

When you little sister tries to give you dating advice...Oh my.

Madea!!!!

The new Madea movie is coming out on Friday!! Guess who gets to go see it with her best friend! ME :)

Cameron better get ready for lots of laughter.

The Last Two Weeks

Always feel like a marathon. And yet so many fun things always come up the last two weeks of school that distract me from my work. Like today, I had lunch with Tonia and a birthday dinner for Austin. Needless to say, I wrote two pages...out of 7. My paper is only due Thursday. I'm tired. I'm ready to be the leader of Terrific Tuesdays. I'm ready to hang out with little Jack all summer. I'm ready for baseball games with the Hobbs. I'm ready for road trips with Cameron. I'm ready for movie nights. I'm ready for sitting on the porch just talking with friends. I'm ready to finish my house. I'm ready to read a book for fun. I'm ready for Utah. Two weeks, go by fast please.

I have...

The most pathetic life in the world. I'm sitting at home on a Friday night with my parents watching the science channel. I. Am. So. Ready. To. Move.

100th Post!

Well, it took me a long time, but this is finally my 100th post! I was waiting to blog, because I felt like I should do something special since it's like a milestone, right? Well, turns out that I have a very boring life. And I'm completely ok with that.

Prom is this weekend, and my sister and cousin are both going, and I just happen to be in charge of my cousin's makeup and hair. I hope it doesn't turn into a train wreck.

My sister took her senior pictures this afternoon, and Shannon Walker is amazing! And my sister is beautiful!

That's all I got, but Tuesdays always seem to be great days, so maybe my something interesting will just have to be my 101st post.

It Was A Beautiful Day

To have lunch with Mr. Clark. 

What were our topics of conversation you wonder? 

Marriage.

Children. 

Houses. 

You know, normal lunch time conversation, right?

Oh, and he came to see me in the nursery last night. Adorable? I think yes. 

By the way, the marriage talk and etc, were of course not in an reference in us marrying each other. Because who would ever think that two best friends would be perfect matches, just not each other's type...right? 

Oh Sunday, How I Love You

I just had to steal this picture from Tonia.  

But, isn't this just the cutest thing!? I didn't even have to beg him to come, he volunteered. 

On the way home, mom told me that he was going to be a good daddy one day. If only she knew. 

Three of my favorite boys sat in that chair all morning :) 

In other news, I got a new doggie today. Her name is Izzy. Pictures will be coming soon! 

Today has been a lazy homework day. 

In other words, this day was a slice of perfection, topped off by a cute phone call :) 

Babysitting Fiasco

In the 7 years that I have been babysitting, I've never had a major problem. No broken bones, no broken furniture. Everything always goes really well. Tonight, I learned never to take your eyes of a Kemp child for 2 minutes.

I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, Andy had beautiful pink fingernails. And red body glitter EVERYWHERE. I took him to the bathroom and scrubbed  and scrubbed and got most of the glitter off, but fingernail polish wasn't going anywhere.

Good thing Sarah thought it was hilarious.

A Lesson Learned

Last night, Cameron invited me to go bowling with his friend and her boyfriend. I was very apprehensive at first, because I did not really like this girl, and I always wished that he wasn't friends with her. But, I decided to go anyways. I had so much fun! Now, I will admit, I probably couldn't hang out with her every day, but I don't dislike her anymore. Plus, smashing him at bowling was well worth it!

So, I've learned my lesson. Don't make up your mind about someone based on hanging out with them once.

And I found out the reason he had never invited me to hang out with them more. He thought I wouldn't have fun because I didn't know them. How sweet is that?

Oh, and he still is in the habit of paying for random things of mine. I'm still trying to figure out what in the world he is doing. Boys.

The Library

Will be my best friend tomorrow. But, it will be that best friend that you hang out with for the whole day and you realize that it's the kind of best friend that you only want to see on your terms. Tomorrow is definitely not on my terms. it will involve a lot of coffee, a lot of music, a lot of typing, and a lot of heavy books. These books in fact:

And those are just the ones from my personal library. By tomorrow, I hope to have a ten page rough draft and an abstract written for another paper. I need major motivation. I hope my paper is kind to me and my professor even kinder. 

Praise the Lord

After my flooring meltdown the other day, for some reason I decided to look one more time at my laminate options. Lumber Liquidators just happened to be having a huge sale that of course, was over today. I began looking at the options, and all the time I was thinking all of these colors are ugly in my price range. Then. lo and behold, I see this. 

While it wasn't my first choice, it was on sale for 59 cents a square foot. They were practically begging me to purchase it, right?  Turns out, I had exactly enough money in my house savings jar to buy it. And the best part is, we have to pick it up in Tulsa, which means I get to see my brother. This girl is a happy camper today.

The House

The House as I like to refer to it now, is driving me insane. I literally had a breakdown today. I never thought it would be such an undertaking, or such an expense.

Speaking of expenses, that is what my breakdown was over. Mostly the expense of the floor. Flooring is one of the highest priced items for the whole house. I really really wanted beautiful dark floors. But funds are short, so I think I'm going to be forced to put vinyl everywhere. I'm trying not to be upset about it, but I keep telling myself that I can always put something better down later.

Because of "The House" I was also forced to tell one of my best friends that I am not going to be able to afford the plane ticket to visit her this summer. Which means, I probably won't get to see her until Christmas. I can't even explain how upset I am about that. I miss her so much, and I was really looking forward to spending a week with her.

I'm starting to dislike "The House" and all the problems it is causing.

Needless to say, not the best day I've ever had.

Etsy

Etsy.com is the coolest website I've ever seen! They have tons of homemade and vintage items from thousands of sellers. Seriously there is everything that you could imagine. And, the prices are generally very reasonable, so check it out!

If Jane Austen Would Have Written My Life

So I'm in this Jane Austen class this semester, and I've realized just how much she relates to my life. So, if Jane Austen would have written a novel mashup with me being the main character, here is what it would sound like:

I am Fanny Price in a world ruled by Caroline Bingley and Marriane Dashwood.  I'm in love with Mr. Darcy, but if I could find an Edmund Bertram, I'd take him. I've had my fair share of Henry Crawfords and Edward Farrars come in and out of my life, but have maintained my modest persona. Mr. Darcy is in love with Lydia Bennet. My best friends are Elinor Dashwood, Elizabeth Bennet, and Jane Bennet. If I'm not married by the age of 27, I'm going looking for Mr. Collins. Watch out Charlotte Lucas.

So basically, I just did this for fun, and because I'm super nerdy :)

And I know that Lydia would appreciate!

Spring...

I love, but it does not love me.

I think these trees are beautiful.

And I can't wait for this. 

But, right now, I can't hear out of my right ear because it is completely stopped up from my allergies. 

And my professor made a complete idiot out of me in class today in front of everyone. I can't stand him. 

Scotty McCreery

Is Amazing. 

A Great Night

This evening, I hung out with Cameron.

A little laughter.

A little food.

A little fun.

A little detour.

A great night.

Today...

I just want to drop out of school. I can't stand this professor that I'm sitting in class listening to for the next two hours. I have two tests on Friday. Three presentations next week. Two 10-15 page research papers to write. A book to read. Three smaller papers to write. Basically, I'm tired. I just want to stay home in my pjs all day and be a bum. But I won't, I'll do my work, get no sleep, and carry on. But really, I need my own personal editor so I can get all these papers done!

Friendship

Tomorrow, I am teaching the College Lifegroup class. I'm pretty nervous, but there will only be like 4 people in there, so I shouldn't be. I am going to be talking about friendship, something that is so important to me. The Bible has a lot to say about friends, and I thought I would share the verses that I'm going to be talking about tomorrow with you.

Proverbs 18:24 
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.


Proverbs 13:20 
He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harms.


John 15:13 
Greater Love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.


Proverbs 27:17 
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.


Proverbs17:17 
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.


Proverbs 22:24-25 
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.


Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!


Proverbs 12:26 
A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.


How many times do we think about what friendship really means? Do we always associate being friends with a very special kind of love? Because I can tell you from experience, that from friendship, the deepest kind of love develops out of trust and selflessness and all the other things that come with friendship.  

My Plans

Are always different than what God's are it seems. Every time lately that I've made up my mind to do something or not do something God laughs and says "No way!"

I got some hard news today that just added to all the confusion and uncertainty that I have been facing.

But, my job is to be there for my dear friend. No matter how much it hurts me, that is my mission. To be a good friend, a shoulder to cry on, a smiling face, a hangout buddy, whatever is needed of me is what I'm called to do. It is my turn to be selfless.

Pray for my friend, pray for me. Be a friend to those who need it this week.

So Emotional

And this isn't like me at all. I don't enjoy it. There is no good solution to fix it, and it's going to be hard. Really. Hard. I don't even know if I can do it. This morning just proved how weak I am.

I know how much my friends care about me, and I've realized how right they are, so it is time to just suck it up and do what is best for my life and the lives of other people. To stop kidding myself and face reality.

I know this might not make a lot of sense, but I just had to write something out.

Till tomorrow, friends.

The Table

Here she is. My beautiful 100 year old table. 

Ok, so maybe she isn't so beautiful right now. She's been neglected for 20 years in an old building, she hasn't had a good coat of stain since she was built, and she's beat up. 

A little glue, a little sanding, a little stain, a little varnish, a new knob, and she will be beautiful.  

I can't wait to see what she's going to look like in my new home!