An Open Book

I haven't blogged in a week. That is a long time, and that also means I'm falling behind on my commitment to blog. Anyways, last week I finished Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility. It was a wonderful book, but it got me thinking about a lot of things. One of the main reasons, was because a Character reminded me so much of myself that it was scary. Her name, Elinor.

She was the type that hurts inside and doesn't make a big deal of it. She waited for her love silently and patiently. But it was more than these things, it was her whole personality. While reading it, I wondered if she was only the way she was because she felt like she had to be for the sake of her family's honor. Or because of her sister's personality. I really connected with her, and I knew my answer. She only pretended to be something completely socially acceptable, while inside she was a rebel. She wanted so bad to go against society and to tell Edward that she loved him, but her sense of propriety wouldn't let her, so she took her hand in life and dealt with it emotionless on the outside, but full of thought and sorrow on the inside.

Which also begged the question, is it better to have sense, or sensibility? There is a difference between the two, being:
Sense -  sound mental capacity and understanding typically marked by shrewdness and practicality; also : agreement with or satisfaction of such power.


Sensibility - : refined or excessive sensitiveness in emotion and taste with especial responsiveness to the pathetic


Is a perfect balance most desirable? 


What does Elinor really have? I believe she was sense on the outside and sensibility on the inside, but that is for class discussion to decide I guess. 


I've rambled long enough on things that most people don't care about, so till tomorrow my friends. 

The Future

I am a planner to the core, but recently, I have figured out that I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. I really just want to get a good job, get married, have kids, grow old, etc.

However, when I look to the future, all I see is me. By myself. I'm a very independent person, so I don't think this is a bad or unhealthy thing, and I'm not saying that I don't want to get married, because I do. But, my life doesn't depend on it. I am self sustaining, which makes me feel so much more blessed because I know that I can be on my own and still be ok. Living through the second worst year of my life at Russellville taught me that.

So no matter if I decide to find an office job, continue my schooling, open my bookstore, become an antiques appraiser, or whatever God decides is the right career path for me, I'm going to be ok. If I have a family, I'm going to be ok. If I don't have a family, I'm going to be ok.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is, it doesn't matter what the future holds, because my life has been planned to the most intricate detail that I cannot even imagine and life is a gift that I for one and going to cherish.

My Secret Love

I love Ryan Seacrest. He. Is. Beautiful. End of story. 

And he wears nice suits.

Dream Home

Today, I found my dream home. Five Bedrooms. Four Bathrooms. Historical District. Two Story. Wrap Around Porch. Attic. Basement. All for the low price of 45,000. For over 4,000 square feet. To say this house is a "fixer upper" is an understatement. For some reason I have a thing for old crumbling houses. I really can't help it. I guess that is the Historian in me. Did I mention it was built in the 40's? Only my favorite decade. Sometimes when I drive by old houses that are run down, it makes me sad that someone didn't care for such a formerly beautiful thing. I think of all the families that have lived there. Christmases. Birthdays. Deaths. Births. All the stories that the walls could tell.

A girl can dream, right?

First Week of Classes

My first week of classes for the new semester is finally completed! So far, I love my classes. After the cancelling of my German class, I was able to sign up for African American History to 1865 - with my favorite professor, Dr. Willoughby. The man is about as British as can be, but he is an American, plus he wears Argyle socks. I think I love him. I'm taking two classes with another professor, The Gilded Age, and U.S. 1900-1945. This professor is strict. We can't even have our cells phones on our desk to check the time or he will drop us. Dr. Stith, my Civil War/Reconstruction professor is awesome! I've had him before and loved him. He isn't quite thirty and he just got his PhD so he is hard, but laid back. And finally to Dr. Kithinji...he is from Kenya, and I haven't made up my mind about him. I had him last semester, and hated the class, but since I am allowed to pick my research material for the class this time, I think I will like him a lot better. Oh! I almost forgot, I'm taking a Jane Austen class too! I'm very excited to see what this semester holds for me, and I know I am going to learn A LOT. I get to research some of my favorite time periods and I got to add some really good books to my library. On the downside, I will have absolutely no social life. For one class, I am supposed to read 75 pages in preparation for class two times a week. Plus keep up with the reading for my other 5 classes. Good thing I am a reader.

Can't Sleep

Tonight I can't sleep. Why? My mind is racing. Over a simple text asking how my day was. The only thing is that I can never figure out what that really means from this person. I'm worried about a birthday gift for this same person. I spent way too much money on it and it can't be returned if the gift is not liked. I hope it is cherished because that would five me great joy. In ten more days I shall find out if I did a swell job or a sucky one. These are silly things to stay up thinking about, but I can't help it. Till tomorrow my fiends.

Awesome Moment of the Day

A few years ago, I took this picture:

A few weeks ago, a guy contacted me wanting to use this photo.

Today, he wants to put them on his business cards!

I'm very excited.

Bad Decision

I pride myself on generally making extremely good decisions. Always thinking things out before I do/say anything. Today, however, was a different story. My German class, which I need to graduate, has been cancelled for next semester. I was so angry, I was crying. If you know me well, you know that I do. not. cry. ever. I just happened to send a very very nasty retort to the email  received from the department chair. Very nasty. I then felt guilty a few hours later and sent an apology. But still, I did not spread Christ through that email, and I will feel bad until I see if he accepts my apology. I am still however very angry. Geeze, I need to get over this.

~Love~

So the name of my blog, "Life, Love, and Dreams in a small town" is supposed to be a chronicle of just that. I have realized that I talk a lot about my life and my dreams, but never about love. So let me take a moment and explain my love life to you. It is really a very simple explanation.  I'm 21 years old, have never had a boyfriend, and have never been on a date. Now after reading that, you have made one of two assumptions, 1. This girl must be crazy, or 2. This girl must be a genius. Well, I am neither, I'm just waiting for the right person.

There is however this boy, he's been one of my best friends for 4 years now. I have also been head over heals for this guy since the day I met him. I can't figure him out however, and I'm too shy to ask. We go to dinner and movies alone. We text. He drives my car. We hang out before school in his truck. He has been a "stand in date" before. To an outsider, we would look like we were dating. I however, know we are not.

He is basically my "list" of what I'm looking for in a husband. There are however several blockages to this idea. 1. His mom dislikes me terribly, and I don't know why. 2. We come from completely different worlds. 3. He is 18 and is in no way capable of knowing what he wants for the future. He cannot be blamed for this, but it still sucks some days.

I'm still keeping an eye out for "THE ONE" but, for now, he is my "ONE."