Picking Up the Pieces

I've had almost three days to process now. I'm ok. Really.

Tears have been shed, which I think might have helped the most.

I've been pathetic for the last few days. Thank goodness for the Meekers and the Gambles and Tonia for checking on me and making sure I got out of the house.

He called and said he was sorry. That he really didn't know. That he hated that he hurt me. That I shouldn't be embarrassed. And he wanted to remain as close as we were.

I believe him, but I don't know if I can do it anymore.

I'm not going to let him have the best of both worlds anymore.

He doesn't get all of me and still get to live his life without concern for what his actions say.

So, I'm going to take a deep breath. Re-evaluate. Have some me time. Spend time with friends that I have neglected. Not be always available. Go to Graduate School. Move on. Learn about myself again. Fall in love with me again. Get closer to God. Enjoy the summer. And see what life is going to bring me next.

It Has Been A Week, Let Me Tell You

This week has been difficult.

I turned in four papers and had two presentations.

My dear friend is out of the state.

And I feel like my life is just falling apart.

At breakfast Thursday, Cameron told me he went on a date with another girl. A date. I mean I knew that this wouldn't be avoidable forever, but I was hoping I would have a little more time to explain everything to him before it all just came tumbling down. And when I say tumble down, I mean it. Everything crashed. I'm sure he hates me. We haven't spoken in over 24 hours, which is completely unusual for us. I always knew he didn't feel the same way, even after all the dinners, the movies, everything. Which he paid for. If it looks like a date, and goes like a date, it's not. He really was content being my best friend. I'm not sure if I can do that anymore. Especially if he is going to be with this girl a lot. I want him to be happy. I really really do. But I'd rather see him happy from afar.

He claims, to our friend, that he had no clue how I felt. And that he wants to talk to me. But I haven't heard a word from him, and they are hanging out tonight.

I don't know what the next step is going to be, but I might just check out of our relationship for a while. I feel like time is the best answer, and a lot of honesty.

Thank goodness for Shaina having girls night tonight.

And I'm ready for Tonia to be home so all can be right in the world.

Expect the Expected

Always.

Never let anyone sway you when you know in your heart what is true.

Never read into things.

Always be prepared to hear what you don't want to hear, but you know one day that you will hear it.

Always know that there is something better up ahead.

And this song will be played in my car over and over today.

Classmates

I've realized that most of my classmates are older than I, and therefore like to give me dating advice.

It is lately that I've realized that how different I really am from most people.

Yeah, I'm 21, never been on a date, never been kissed, never held hands, whatever.

I'm glad I'm saving that for my future husband, wherever he may be.

I don't need people telling me to "jump on" anything.

Or to get drunk and "see what happens."

If I have to be the crazy cat lady, but stick to my morals, I'll take it.

Agenda for the Week

1. Miss this wonderful lady.
2. Finish Civil War paper
3. Breakfast with Cameron
4. Lunch with Kimber
5. Two presentations
6. Watch the Royal Wedding
7. BE DONE WITH CLASSES!!!
8. Enjoy life

Seasons in Life

This week, one of my very good friends got engaged. 

Engaged. 

I am really very happy for him. 

But, it is a really odd situation in life to be the only single person within a group of friends. I mean, I'm not even dating anyone, and my friends either married or quickly approaching that stage. Sometimes I feel like an outsider, especially when they think that I don't understand their life. I know that I am still really young, but I am turning 22 this year, and most of my friends really are married or in very serious relationships. I am not complaining, because I know that God has an amazing plan for my life, but I miss my friends, and I want to be able to relate to them again. And I just flat out want to get married. I mean, what girl my age doesn't? 

I'm a Happy Girl :)

I had such a great time tonight! I got to enjoy four of my most favorite things,
1. Steven Special from La Fiesta
2. Madea movie
3. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream
4. Hanging out with Cameron

I'm just going to say that I had an amazing night.

One Paper Down

3 more to go.

It's Pretty Bad...

When you little sister tries to give you dating advice...Oh my.

Madea!!!!

The new Madea movie is coming out on Friday!! Guess who gets to go see it with her best friend! ME :)

Cameron better get ready for lots of laughter.

The Last Two Weeks

Always feel like a marathon. And yet so many fun things always come up the last two weeks of school that distract me from my work. Like today, I had lunch with Tonia and a birthday dinner for Austin. Needless to say, I wrote two pages...out of 7. My paper is only due Thursday. I'm tired. I'm ready to be the leader of Terrific Tuesdays. I'm ready to hang out with little Jack all summer. I'm ready for baseball games with the Hobbs. I'm ready for road trips with Cameron. I'm ready for movie nights. I'm ready for sitting on the porch just talking with friends. I'm ready to finish my house. I'm ready to read a book for fun. I'm ready for Utah. Two weeks, go by fast please.

I have...

The most pathetic life in the world. I'm sitting at home on a Friday night with my parents watching the science channel. I. Am. So. Ready. To. Move.

100th Post!

Well, it took me a long time, but this is finally my 100th post! I was waiting to blog, because I felt like I should do something special since it's like a milestone, right? Well, turns out that I have a very boring life. And I'm completely ok with that.

Prom is this weekend, and my sister and cousin are both going, and I just happen to be in charge of my cousin's makeup and hair. I hope it doesn't turn into a train wreck.

My sister took her senior pictures this afternoon, and Shannon Walker is amazing! And my sister is beautiful!

That's all I got, but Tuesdays always seem to be great days, so maybe my something interesting will just have to be my 101st post.

It Was A Beautiful Day

To have lunch with Mr. Clark. 

What were our topics of conversation you wonder? 

Marriage.

Children. 

Houses. 

You know, normal lunch time conversation, right?

Oh, and he came to see me in the nursery last night. Adorable? I think yes. 

By the way, the marriage talk and etc, were of course not in an reference in us marrying each other. Because who would ever think that two best friends would be perfect matches, just not each other's type...right? 

Oh Sunday, How I Love You

I just had to steal this picture from Tonia.  

But, isn't this just the cutest thing!? I didn't even have to beg him to come, he volunteered. 

On the way home, mom told me that he was going to be a good daddy one day. If only she knew. 

Three of my favorite boys sat in that chair all morning :) 

In other news, I got a new doggie today. Her name is Izzy. Pictures will be coming soon! 

Today has been a lazy homework day. 

In other words, this day was a slice of perfection, topped off by a cute phone call :)